In the In Between

And so I once again crawl back to you, dear readers, with my tail between my legs, slinking sheepishly forward in apology.  I fear I have been far too remiss of my blogger duties and careless of my promises.  I have been dealing with work and personal frustrations of the sort that has left me with no words. Yes, none.

I have been blithely informed that this slump, this baffling unhappiness so terribly misplaced in the heart of one living a grand life, is what is known as A Quarter Life Crisis.  This is apparently something that my contemporaries struggled through while I was waging my own, very different battles in law school.  There is no skipping this crisis as it turns out, and soon after I had checked everything on my list (graduate law school, pass the bar, get into a law firm…), I was buried under blaring, anxious thoughts.  Everything I had achieved so far mattered none because in my head I kept thinking “SO WHAT NOW?”.

So after a few months of inexplicable weepiness, having everything in life I could ever hope for and yet exactly none, I finally found peace, or whatever peace there is to be found for a young woman eager to devour the world.  So what now indeed?

My dear readers, I honestly do not know.  I have plans and ideas, and oh such DREAMS, but somewhere between ravenous ambition and placid contentment , I found a place that is perhaps most myself.  I am In Between and it is, I believe, quite the place to be!

I am slowly defining happiness and success on my own terms and no longer stubbornly clinging to the cardboard cutout life I had long thought was meant for me.  It is idiocy, after all, to keep going mulishly down a path simply because that was the plan.  I have reconciled myself to the fact that nothing in this world is certain and that the most marvelous detours are often what make a life.

Now, I no longer worry overly much about laying down plans decisive of the rest of my life.  I resolve only to do what I love and love what I do.  I will continue to live with the hunger that is characteristic of my years thus far, and temper it with every bit of wisdom I have painstakingly earned.  I will live in full, fearless throbbing color because the world is as much mine as it is everyone else’s.

It is a splendid thing, dear readers, to have wild, untamed possibilities before you.  How could I have ever thought otherwise?

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First Lesson

First Lesson by Philip Booth

Lie back daughter,

let your head be tipped back in the cup of my hand.

Gently, and I will hold you.

Spread your arms wide, lie out on the stream and look high at the gulls.

A dead- man’s float is face down.

You will dive and swim soon enough where this tidewater ebbs to the sea.

Daughter, believe me,

when you tire on the long thrash to your island,

lie up, and survive.

As you float now, where I held you and let go,

remember when fear cramps your heart what I told you:

lie gently and wide to the light-year stars,

lie back,

and the sea will hold you.