In the In Between

And so I once again crawl back to you, dear readers, with my tail between my legs, slinking sheepishly forward in apology.  I fear I have been far too remiss of my blogger duties and careless of my promises.  I have been dealing with work and personal frustrations of the sort that has left me with no words. Yes, none.

I have been blithely informed that this slump, this baffling unhappiness so terribly misplaced in the heart of one living a grand life, is what is known as A Quarter Life Crisis.  This is apparently something that my contemporaries struggled through while I was waging my own, very different battles in law school.  There is no skipping this crisis as it turns out, and soon after I had checked everything on my list (graduate law school, pass the bar, get into a law firm…), I was buried under blaring, anxious thoughts.  Everything I had achieved so far mattered none because in my head I kept thinking “SO WHAT NOW?”.

So after a few months of inexplicable weepiness, having everything in life I could ever hope for and yet exactly none, I finally found peace, or whatever peace there is to be found for a young woman eager to devour the world.  So what now indeed?

My dear readers, I honestly do not know.  I have plans and ideas, and oh such DREAMS, but somewhere between ravenous ambition and placid contentment , I found a place that is perhaps most myself.  I am In Between and it is, I believe, quite the place to be!

I am slowly defining happiness and success on my own terms and no longer stubbornly clinging to the cardboard cutout life I had long thought was meant for me.  It is idiocy, after all, to keep going mulishly down a path simply because that was the plan.  I have reconciled myself to the fact that nothing in this world is certain and that the most marvelous detours are often what make a life.

Now, I no longer worry overly much about laying down plans decisive of the rest of my life.  I resolve only to do what I love and love what I do.  I will continue to live with the hunger that is characteristic of my years thus far, and temper it with every bit of wisdom I have painstakingly earned.  I will live in full, fearless throbbing color because the world is as much mine as it is everyone else’s.

It is a splendid thing, dear readers, to have wild, untamed possibilities before you.  How could I have ever thought otherwise?