Irony Over Chicken Inasal

"You know what you are? You’re spoiled!"

He said this to me, making a stabbing motion with his fork in my direction in his typical denigrating fashion.

"This chicken is driving me nuts." Despite my frustration, I wrestled gamely on with the skewered chicken inasal in front of me. Long dead but still manages to put up a fight. Grrrr…

"Are you listening to me? Stop it, you’re going to stab yourself with that fork!"

"Ok, I give up, I’m done."

"You barely ate, give me that! Hihimayin ko na. You’re so helpless, tsk, tsk… You can’t expect people to take care of you all the time. The world isn’t like that!" He pushes my plate back to me, white meat separated from the bone in strips, just the way I like them. Hmmm, he just keeps getting better and better at this, I thought.

"I can’t eat anymore eh, yours na."

"Eat it." He said in the menacing tone he always uses when he orders me around.

I roll my eyes. "There’s no more sawsawan eh!"

He gives me a look filled with loathing and reaches for the calamansi. He knows how I hate squeezing them with my bare hands. It’s the smell, eeew.

"I’m telling you," he continues his lecture, "I’m hard on you for your own good. I told myself from the beginning that I’m not going to coddle you…"

"Can you add more suka?" I interrupted.

"…and that may seem harsh, but you’ve known right from the start my disinclination towards spoiling you…"

"Oh, and sili rin?"

"…I’m not like those other guys you’ve dated…"

"Thanks!" I poured the finished sawsawan gingerly over the chicken strips.

"…you don’t have me wrapped around your little finger…"

"Do I have to finish all of this?"

"…what you need is some tough love — yes, you need to eat well — I’m the man to give it to you…"

"Argh, fine, I’ll stuff myself till I puke."

"…so you better learn to take care of yourself — don’t force it then, but you still need to eat. I’ll get you dessert after –", he paused, "where was I?"

"I better learn to take care of myself," I prodded.

"Right. Take care of yourself," once again, he points his fork in my direction for emphasis. "Because I’m not going to be doing it for you. Clear?"

I looked at him and smiled affectionately. Isn’t he cute? "Crystal."